Why are Psychologists So Boring?
I could think of a better title, and, as you will see, I needn't over-generalize. But it makes a good title so let’s go with it. A few theories of why psychologists are boring:
We think too much about behavior. We know that it’s ok to be interesting, but not too interesting (then it’s a symptom). Spontaneous becomes impulsive. Quirky becomes odd. Creative eventually leaves the box. Must stay in the box.
We can’t talk about the most thought-provoking, dynamic people and stories of our workday, our clients. When my husband or kids asks me about my day, I say it was good, and then we talk about their days.
Psychologists often operate in a vacuum. Even when we welcome it, clients rarely give us feedback. We have colleagues and sometimes consultation, but we almost never practice together. We spend most of the day in silos of our own concepts, communication styles, and habits. But in fact, it’s others’ observations, reactions, and challenges that often invite and even require people to think and grow. Psychologists can stagnate.
Maybe as a rule, psychologists are more listeners/observers than performers. We aren’t necessarily the life of the party, and at least we aren’t narcissistic (although one slips in here and there). In the therapy room, we are supposed to be a “blank slate” so it’s all about you. Psychologists try to remain consistent and predictable. Heck, I haven’t even changed my haircut in 20 years. I don’t even know if I want to change my hair. I just think about what my clients have come to expect.
When I was young, I was a little wild. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, but I quickly learned the rules when I became a psychologist. I once asked a supervisor how to act in public given that clients might run into me out of the office. A friend and I had been (insert silly behavior) in a parking lot. She told me not to act silly. Touché.
I hope as psychologists we might evolve from not boring (just people) to boring (professional) to not boring again, as we grow up. Life is for living! Fluid intelligence must flow! Fellow psychologists: push those comfort zone edges. Actively seek deep, reciprocal, surprising, unexpected connections, especially with interesting people (for the record, I recently went to a super fun and very interesting dinner party with psychologists). Read surprising books, have cool hobbies. Wear something funky. See strange art. Have a hype song. Although we might not share the details with our clients or in parking lots, we are better therapists for it, too.